In relationships, especially the early or dating stage, it can be hard to balance the “go with the flow” nature of things and the “is this right for me” voice that plays over and over in your mind.
Some of these indicators are quite simple, yet they can be complete game-changers. These goals are at the heart of what the team at Khadijah Elite wishes for everyone who joins.
While you always do your istikharah (praying to God for guidance in making the best decision), it’s important to maintain your eyes and heart open to the signs pointing you in the right direction.
1. You Value Many of the Same (Important) Things
First, have you taken the time to write down your values? Or are you at least aware of the things you can’t live without? (examples are faith, family–current and future, career, health, etc.)
Values go beyond your interests. Your values drive your major and minor decisions. Having the same interests as someone (like spending time in nature) is not necessarily an indicator of being able to get along. Your values fuel your intentions and can look different in how you each live up to those values. These conversations are very important.
2. The “In Public” Test
This one is fun, it involves going out with the person to see how they are naturally in an environment that isn’t so structured (such as a Zoom call or phone call). This will help you to see how people are with waiters, cashiers, people passing by, and how they carry themselves in the world. Believe me here: it can be very telling to see how someone is around others, not just with you. If you find the way they are makes you more comfortable, then you can rest assured that this is someone you can be around for a long time and proudly walk together.
3. They Are Not Trying to Change You
It’s that simple. They are with you for who you are right now. They can support your growth and ambitions without pushing you in ways that are not aligned with your goals. They accept you as you are and love all of you, not just the convenient parts.
4. You Fit Into One Another’s Lives
This is a question of compatibility. This person fits your life and not just the small space for early dating conversations. They understand your social life and are either joining you gladly or finding ways to spend their time doing what they love. If your social and career lives are not similar, it’s important you can each respect the other’s space and preferences without resenting the difference.
5. They Listen Actively
It saddens me the number of times I’ve heard friends tell me about talking to someone who simply seemed like all they did was talk about themselves or couldn’t carry a two-way conversation. There is nothing more special and attractive than being asked follow-up questions.
Ex. Please don’t do this:
“Where did you grow up?
“Oh cool, I have a few cousins there.”
Instead, try :
“Where did you grow up?”
“Oh cool, did you like it growing up?”
(Magic, you’re actively listening)
6. They Are Able to Comfort You
You don’t always have to have the same love languages, but it’s important for your partner to understand you enough to realize why you may be upset at any given time and be able to hold your hand (even figuratively) through it.
7. Boundaries Are Clear
Overly sugar-coated conversations can be a red flag. It has to be clear what this person stands for and where they see you fitting into their life. As much as a life partnership requires unity, each person needs to be able to be themselves and identify what they won’t compromise on. Non-negotiables are a part of every relationship. Everybody stands for something, they may just not have said it out loud yet. Make sure you know and can respect one another’s boundaries.
Blog written by Dhouha Haddad
Family Social Worker
Certified Life Coach Practitioner
Proud Wife and Mother