When Muslims are looking online to start a relationship, itís usually for a serious one.
The vision is the long game: Marriage.
But trying to find a spouse on the World Wide Web can be overwhelming at times! The team at Khadija Elite has worked very hard to make the process as smooth and painless as possible, however, the ball is in your court from here! So here are a few things to keep in mind:
1. Know what youíre looking for & take the journey seriously
Now, if you havenít, this is your cue to take a moment to reflect on what youíre looking for. When you envision your future life, in all aspects, faith, career, family, travel, etc., what type of person do you want by your side? This can be hard to figure out in one shot if youíve never been in a relationship before, so this requires a lot of self-awareness of what you like, what is helpful to you, what you need, and what you cannot stand.
Once you have an idea of the characteristics and intentions youíre seeking, commit to the journey. Youíre clearly not just casually dating here, so make sure youíre diligent and showing up to this platform in a way that represents your ethics and what you stand for. (Tips 4 & 5 will clarify!)
2. Make sure your profile represents you as a PERSON
If youíve read our previous blog post on tips to build your online profile, then youíre on the right track! I encourage you to make sure your profile isnít dull. Your picture is a sure way to draw someone in or away, not by how you look but by your facial expression, lighting, and overall mood of the photo. You can try to watch a few YouTube videos on taking your own photo. Make sure what someone sees on your profile will match what a potential FaceTime call would show.
Make sure the words you use are reflective of the language and expressions you actually speak in. Put some thought into what your interests are. If your interests are work, family and food, then I will be the first to break it to you, youíre being generic. Be more specific! Do this by checking that your profile answers questions like:
What could you talk about all day?
When do you feel happiest?
What canít you live without?
What do your friends know you for?
3. Be patient
It can be a long road, so be patient with yourself and with others. Some people are slow to respond because the online relationship world is very new to them, or they may be trying to be thoughtful about their responses.
Most of all, be patient with yourself. Nothing is WRONG with you. Itís a large world to navigate, and God has the final match written for you, we just donít know which stage of that journey youíre on right now. So be kind to yourself and know that in-person or online, it takes time to find the ONE for you.
4. Be honest and transparent
Remember, weíre not casually dating here, so anything you say could potentially be following you into your marriage. This doesnít mean you are never allowed to change your mind, this just means that you should speak from the heart. If youíre nervous, for example, itís better to say that than to risk sounding not-like-yourself and causing the other person to turn away. If the other person knows how you feel about this process, it helps them understand you better and shares the very raw reality that this is for everyone involved.
5. Donít go GHOST (to suddenly stop responding and virtually disappear)
When youíve already started talking to someone, especially if the conversation was mutual for days or weeks on end, take the courage and courtesy of letting someone know if youíve moved on. Youíre on a computer, but on the other side of it is a whole person with their whole presence. Take that to heart and be genuine about your intentions. You may not talk to this person again, but before Allah, we are accountable for our dealings with every person we encounter. Everyone would rather know that it didnít work out than to wonder if you disappeared off the face of the earth. Youíre an adult, talking to adults, and not all conversations result in marriage! So take it lightly and seriously when itís time to mercifully say goodbye.
Blog written by Dhouha Haddad
Family Social Worker
Certified Life Coach Practitioner
Proud Wife and Mother