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Before the Jumuah khutbah, the?khateeb?will announce this phrase with other?ayaat?to start the speech; an ayah from Surah al Ahzab: ayah 70.<\/span>?<\/span><\/p>\n ?O? believers! Be mindful of Allah, and say what is right.?<\/span><\/i>?<\/span><\/p>\n What we get from this ayah is a command to speak the truth: speech that is clear, straight, and to the point.? The root of the word is also used in a phrase describing the flight of an arrow when it hits its mark: not veering this way or that.<\/span>?<\/span><\/p>\n This command is connected to everything we say, and is the most important method of communicating well in marriage.<\/span>?<\/span><\/p>\n ?<\/span><\/p>\n To speak?Qawlan?sadeeda?is to speak the truth. If we are following this command, we are telling our spouse something that is correct, without exaggeration.<\/span>?<\/span><\/p>\n This is hard to do, especially when emotions are high, and we are trying to make a point. If we are trying to win an argument, for example, we may overemphasize how our spouse behaved, what they said, or how it made us feel.<\/span>?<\/span><\/p>\n Or we are exaggerating our contribution in order to appear the? better spouse. However, since our advice is to not become angry, even in arguments, we must speak the truth, even if it?s against us.<\/span>?<\/span><\/p>\n What is better is to say what actually happened, or exactly what was said and how it made you feel. It is always better to side with the truth. It will literally set you free: stretching the truth nearly always leads to greater and greater lies, and hurt feelings when the truth eventually comes to light.<\/span>?<\/span><\/p>\n ?<\/span><\/p>\n Perhaps you have noticed that telling the absolute truth can sometimes be out of place, or even hurtful.<\/span>?<\/span><\/p>\n This is also true. This is why the?Qawlan?Sadeeda?also carries the meaning of speaking properly, in context, and what is appropriate at the time. A healthy measure of wisdom must enter situations in which we speak with our spouses.<\/span>?<\/span><\/p>\n It is possible to speak the absolute truth and cause major problems in your marriage! So how can we tread the balance and live by this command, while sparing the feelings of our spouses?<\/span>?<\/span><\/p>\n To compound that challenge, we have this hadith:<\/span>?<\/span><\/p>\n Asma?bint?Yazid narrated that the Messenger of Allah (SAW) said:<\/span>?<\/span><\/p>\n ?It is not lawful to lie except in three cases: Something the man tells his wife to please her, to lie during war, and to lie in order to bring peace between the people.??<\/span><\/i>(Jami` at-Tirmidhi?1938)<\/span>?<\/span><\/p>\n Consider that to avoid an argument over something that is a small issue, you may avoid answering the absolute truth, or delay it. If it is an issue the truth of which your spouse would never learn, such as your opinion about how something looks, tastes, or smells, then it is better to keep the peace than express your truthful opinion.<\/span>?<\/span><\/p>\n The wisdom here is to benefit the relationship and endear your spouse to you. This is also an application of?Qawlan?Sadeeda, appropriate words at an appropriate time.<\/span>?<\/span><\/p>\n ?<\/span><\/p>\n If we really think about the ways we stretch the truth: exaggeration, passive-aggressive speech, sarcasm and mocking, we notice an ugly characteristic: harm and insult intended.<\/span>?<\/span><\/p>\n In marriage it is enough of a challenge to be understood without adding mean-spirited words to our conversations!? Any kind of way of speaking that is intended to cause harm, even if it?s the slightest embarrassment, should be avoided.<\/span>?<\/span><\/p>\n The?Qawlan?Sadeeda?is the word that is reality, it is accurate. The intention behind an accurate description of a feeling or situation is to relay information. We already know to bring wisdom about the information in terms of time and place. This aspect of manners is to focus on the way we relay that information.<\/span>?<\/span><\/p>\n If we avoid bending our words, especially with the intention to harm our spouse, it is less likely that our words can be taken out of context or misunderstood. Our words stand on their own, accurately expressed, with the best of intentions. Our words are good, and they bring good feelings and good responses.<\/span>?<\/span><\/p>\n ?<\/span><\/p>\n ?<\/span><\/p>\n What continues after this ayah is our motivation to rid our speech of exaggeration, sarcasm, lying and distortion of all kinds.<\/span>?<\/span><\/p>\n ?He will bless your deeds for you, and forgive your sins. And whoever obeys Allah and His Messenger, has truly achieved a great triumph.<\/span><\/i>? (33:71)<\/span>?<\/span><\/p>\nNothing but the Truth<\/span>?<\/span><\/h4>\n
Something in the Words<\/span>?<\/span><\/h4>\n
Anything in the Heart<\/span>?<\/span><\/h4>\n
Everything to gain<\/span>?<\/span><\/h4>\n